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Monday, June 7, 2010

Friday, May 14, 2010

Monday, May 10, 2010

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Priorities.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: why 'ello thea govna
You: lovely day tisnt it
Stranger: tis indeed mah good sah
Stranger: how's ya family been doin?
You: quite swell. except fo timmy. pooa pooa wittle timmy
Stranger: timmy? good heavens, what on erth has 'appened to timmy?
You: well just last week 'is flu stated actin up and 'is wooden leg fell off once again
Stranger: oh no! not the wooden leg agayn! I swea', yad think a good ol' prosthetic would do da trick!
You: aye. but mi fatha cannot affoad one becaus of 'is job at the factory
You: aye tis a sad sad thing
Stranger: tis a sad thing indeed. well ol' chap, it was great chattin on with ya but I gotta deliver this gallon of PCP to sum gangstas soon or they'll gonna murda mah wife and kids. So a good afternoon to ya!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Imposters

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: the scary thing about the internet, is that you can be anyone you want
You: i know
Stranger: freaky.
You: im taylor swift btw
Stranger: no way.... im miley cyrus...
Stranger: no joke
You: omg miley where have u been?
You: i havent seen u around lately
Stranger: welll, i've like totally been chillin with my new guy
Stranger: hawt
You: liam?
Stranger: thats the guy
You: well seriously we need a girls night, lets have selena come too
Stranger: omg. i totallly need one of those.
Stranger: vent sesh
You: but lets not invite demi, i hate that bitch
Stranger: seriously.
Stranger: whats her problem
You: i know! and shes dating joe now too, shes such a little slut
Stranger: bitchhhh
You: i hope he dumps her via text message
Stranger: gawd. me too
Stranger: its been fun
Stranger: alright tay
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Monday, April 5, 2010

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Monday, March 29, 2010

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sir, yes, sir!

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: at attention!

Stranger: yessir!

You: at ease, soldier

Stranger: yessir!

You: what's your name, soldier!

You: I SAID WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SOLDIER!

Stranger: Private Parts, sir!

You: And, what are you here for, Private!

Stranger: to by kicked in the ass by horny 15 yo, sir!

Stranger: *be

You: Very good. VERY DAMN GOOD, SOLDIER

Stranger: thank you, sir!

You: All of you should learn from this one, filthy scumbags!!!

You: I'm your new Instructor!

You: Sergeant Pepper

Stranger: sir, yes, sir!

Stranger: sir, yes, sir!

You: Well, now you have your objective in mind, Private Parts?

Stranger: sir, no, sir!

You: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO, PRIVATE?

Stranger: sir, waiting for my orders, sir!

You: Well, we've camped here for one single mission

Stranger: sir, yes, sir!

You: For the most dangerous mission that this unit have ever tried to acomplish

Stranger: sir, yes, sir!

You: You're gonna find an actual girl here in the hostile land called Omegle!

Stranger: sir, permission to speak, sir!

You: And actual hot single girl that could save this place from decadency and old bald fat men!

You: Permission granted, private!

Stranger: sir, this reminds me of the time we were looking for the wmd in Iraq, sir!

Stranger: sir, with all due respect, sir

Stranger: I think you are insane, sir!

Stranger: sir, there are no actual girls on omegle, sir!

You: Listen to me, Private, I've sent soldiers to the guardroom for less than that... do you want to end in the guardroom, Private? DON YOU WANT TO?

You: DO YOU WANT TO END IN THE FUCKING GUARDROOM?

Stranger: sir, no, sir!

Stranger: but I wasn't told that it would be a suicide mission, sir!

You: You're the best of your troop, Parts, so i will be soft for once... I'm getting old and War's change since the times it was only shooting and everything that was moving...ah... good times

You: It won't be a suicide mission, Private?

You: ... What's your first name, son?

Stranger: sir, Tiny, sir!

You: Private Tiny Parts. It sounds pretty familiar to me. Anyways, son. This is not like with the wmd. Not this time.

Stranger: sir, with all due respect, sir!

Stranger: I think our intelligence seems to be faulty again, sir!

You: There's a New president in the White House. A new High Commander that can't be wors than the old one. Even being... God save us...“Not white”.

Stranger: sir, I have been here for more than two months, sir!

You: And if he says we have to find chicks in Omegle, what do we do, Private!

You: What do we do??

Stranger: sir, I do not know, sir!

You: Two Month is not enough, Private. Two months are fucking bullshit!

You: i spent 6 months on Vietnam before seeing my first Yellow.

Stranger: sir, I am sorry, sir

Stranger: sir, I will look further, sir!

You: You're young and impulsive. It's not your fault. Just remember not to question your chain of command!

Stranger: sir, yes, sir!

Stranger: sir, permission to speak, sir!

You: I like you son! I really do! We're gonna find those hot chicks and I feel in my guts that we're gonna need Private Tiny Parts for doing it!

You: Permission granted, Private

Stranger: sir, what are we to do, once we find a girl on omegle, sir?

Connection imploded.

Assumption Fail

Friday, March 26, 2010